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I loved my wee girl yesterday-we had a lovely time together.  We painted.  It was good.  The white paper is not covered in color yet, but it will be-soon.

Resistance is such a nag.  This is what went through my head yesterday; “You have too much to do today….paint later.  Who cares if you paint, you have work to do….you have to do your work….that coat order isn’t going to sew itself…what about dinner…you need to cook.   @#$%#!”  I kept pushing my girl aside. Very bad habit.

Why is it so hard to simply be good to ourselves?   I painted yesterday, I spent a couple  hours  with my Jany girl and we had a good, good time.  I could feel the bliss pass over me as soon as the first bit of bright pink paint hit the wet paper….most of the stuff on my “you have to get this done” list got checked off as well.  Getting there was tough.  It’s called resistance.

It’s a mental thing. A game we play.  A tease.  A back and forth between guilt and desire. Guilt and true need.

Resistance is lots of things.  I am learning to think of it as friend.  When it slaps me in the face, I know I am on the right track.  Whatever is on the other side is good, and exactly what I need to be doing.  There is always angst involved when dealing with resistance.

Push.  Push through the damned angst and capture those deep desires.  Satisfy that aching need.  Honor that amazing child inside yourself.  The girl who is the very best of you.

Fact.  Loving yourself, honoring your little girl, requires intention and effort.  It is easier to work, to be disconnected.  Resistance will for certain slap you in the face.  Try to intimidate you and push you back and keep you stuck.  Slap it back.

The paint coming alive on the wet paper was so deeply satisfying. It always is. I love it because it is about sensing and feeling.  It’s about letting my wee girl speak and truly show me how to paint-she knows how it is done.

There might always be resistance.  Fine.  Today my girl and I are going to the zoo, we will watch the seals swim and visit the giraffes.  The swimming seals are soul soothing and the giraffes, well they are our favorites…we will probably take the camera and do some photography….

Yes, I have lots to do at home and in the studio.  My wee girl beckons.  The rest can wait.


 


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