Most all my life I have endeavored to be a person of faith. I have wanted this very much, in fact.  However, I have found that sometimes the circumstances of life itself, have truly challenged my desire to be that woman who lives by faith.

So much of life is very uncertain-Scott and I have experienced this first hand, and still experience it daily with the circumstances we find ourselves in because of his family (subject for another post).  It is not a good situation at all-and suffice it to say there are no easy solutions-no quick fixes.  It's a thing that has to be lived out....with faith.

I came across a bit of written wisdom that has spoken powerfully to me in regard to faith and just what it looks like.  The words were written by a woman by the name of Shiloh Sophia-she is a painter and a poetess.

"Today I choose to walk in faith-choosing faith instead of fear means showing up in the uncertainty.  Being willing to let go of the outcome and trust in the mysterious unfolding.  This isn't about having and knowing. This is about being present.  Faith isn't about getting answers or the things we think we want coming true.  Faith is what we choose instead of fear because it just feels so much better. Faith is a practice. A choice. An experience.  Faith opens us to living in gratitude. And today, that sounds like the way to go."

Showing up in uncertainty.  I have devoted myself to truly learning to paint in these next months.  I have no teacher, except my own inner guidance.  I show up in uncertainty every time I enter my studio and pick up my brush.  Initially, this was a scary proposition. Things in the studio are becoming less scary.. I am learning to embrace the uncertainty and even yes, rest in it.  A step at a time.  If I really listen to myself, I will know what to do next-which color or value needs to go down-what colors will harmonize best together. Where I am off course and how to make a correction.  I don't have to know how to do it all-that's what uncertainty is all about-not knowing...  Even though I might not know, I can still rest and trust in that Mysterious Unfolding. All becomes well, in ways that I cannot see always, when I decide simply to choose faith-to genuinely trust.  The finished paintings become more than just paintings, they are remembrances-markers of faith.  As I began, each painting, at one point came dangerously close to being torn up and thrown away, just because I didn't think I knew how to proceed, and was certain all I was going to end up painting was crappy mud.   I'm so glad I persisted-some of them are just beautiful, and I find myself amazed that I created them....I will treasure them always because they represent the possibility of what can happen, when I trust in what I can't see and don't know and go ahead anyway.

Practicing this sort of faith allows us (me) to rest, because we aren't invested in outcomes and answers. It allows us to be present and awake to the beauty and possibility that each day holds, because we aren't spending our energy trying to make life happen, figure things out or work toward a desired outcome.  I like it.  Rest is good. It is healing, and there is a coming home to myself that I have never experienced before.  Historically, I am all about making things happen, and working very hard for desired outcomes-I can spend lots of mental energy trying to figure things out.....

So here's to the human experience, in all it's uncertain glory....I am wondering if by embracing uncertainty and letting myself rest in it,  I have allowed the door to finally open to  Infinite Possibility?  For a full blown control freak like myself, this is a miraculous place to be!




Ellyn George
08/01/2013 8:35pm

No matter what the circumstances, we will be in prayer that God will handle the family issues in the way He knows is best. Great blog - love you.


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